"Babies aren’t dishwasher safe."

Tosh.o

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theclearlydope:

This got me thinking. If I had lost my damn mind, what would I get DID in my hair?

Best answer: Samoa Girl Scout Cookie box. 

Thanks @toferr via

I’d would did my hair as thin mints

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theclearlydope:

Yep, game over.

I tend to use Lysol disinfectant spray myself. It disinfects!!!

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theclearlydope:

Yep, game over.

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theclearlydope:

Some questions:

Is ass wash the same as a general body wash?

When you say “white people bread” I assume that’s wheat bread.

Good mayo .. Hellman’s or Kraft?

pleatedjeans:

shopping list found at Wal-Mart. From now on, I will only be referring to condoms as ‘dong bags.’ via

Haha this guy must shop at foodlion not walmart.

theclearlydope:

Hello Good Morning Internet: He’s just going to take that candy and buy booze with it.

(Source: lifesunfairdontcare)

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theclearlydope:

I know someone.

funnyordie:

Maury Might be Running Out of Ideas

You are NOT the kidnapper of the escaped sex slave!

theclearlydope:

This is almost worth trying to punch a shark in the face. ….. Almost.

laughingsquid:

Man Has Smartphone Dock Installed In His Prosthetic Arm

theclearlydope:

Why does Madonna have her hands on your boobs? 

(Source: raditudeproblem)

theclearlydope:

Great service this morning.

(Source: cannabinomad)